More to love…

With October knocking at the door, the stores have alreayd stocked up on haloween candy. My arch nemesis, bite size chocolate. One would think that with prepackaged portion control, I would be able to control it..uh…not.

This pretty much sums up the crux of my eating problems. I am( was) a chronic binge eater. It started as a child, I absolutely could not control myself around food. No, not food, sugar. Which is ironic, because my parents didn’t keep lots of sugar in the house, but enough that we got a few cookies in our lunch boxes, or maybe a popsicle here or there. But we weren’t a dessert everynight kind of family, we didn’t keep soda, sugar cereal, or anything else like that in the house. But, as I said, there was always something, and I wanted it. I would search through the house “sneaking” food.  I would look everywhere until I found it, and then I would eat it. Not just one, of whatever it was, but probably two or three servings, at least. And then I would feel shame. Especially when I got caught. So, to be honest, I’m not sure wht spurred it. I’ve toyed around with the idea that it started when my parents seperated. But they only seperated for about  a year, got back together and ahve a great marriage today. And it went on longer than their seperation. I was an active child, I had soccer or gymanstics, almost every day of the week. But I was still chubby. I have long since come to terms with the fact that my body type is “big.”  I am big boned. I know that is a cop-out for many people, but for me it’s the case. I wear size 10 shoe,  I can’t wrap my fingers of one hand around my opposite wrist, no matter how much I weigh, and shoulder pads have made me look like a football player since I was 8 (you know, when they were in). Either way, I couldn’t control my eating, not until college, when a friend pointed out to me that I had an eating disorder. Oh. duh.

and since then it’s been better, but during Halloween, when their are aisles and aisle and aisles of candy, and the office candy bowl is full of bite size chocolates, that I struggle the most. I’ll be ok. I don’t fail often, but it’s an internal battle, everyday.